The Beginning and The End

It’s strange. Very strange. I don’t know how to describe my feelings when I write about LaReta, ("Lore") as a three-year-old and then see my eighty-year-old sister at the Wesley Homes Health Center.

I’m sad. Her beginnings were difficult as a child when her mother, Dorothy, died in 1939 . Lore was three years old. Dorothy’s death had repercussions the rest of Lore's life. It impacted how she was raised, her relationships with our father, Webb, and what became important to her.

To see her now on hospice care and near death also makes me very sad. I’m looking at both ends of her life at the same time. Her son, Dan, pointed out that the beginning and the end are very close together. So true.

But I’m also glad that Lore and I became close, not only as sisters, but as friends. We've had great fun together talking, eating out, going to movies, and traveling to Hawaii to see two of her children, even though we had to walk up a hill to her home in six inches of snow when we got back. We laughed about that a lot.

Lore's told me more than once she had a good life. She is very proud of her five children, knows she is loved, and can say she had one great love in her life.

On our trips back and forth to the clinic this year for her radiation treatments, Lore let me know she’s ready to die. She’s been ready for five years, having made all her preparations when she was first treated for breast cancer in 2011. She did have four years of being cancer free, but this year she was diagnosed with bone cancer, her breast cancer had metastasized. It's hard to believe that the end of 2015, she was leading her life, walking her son's dog every day and just being Lore.

A couple months ago, I wasn’t ready to let her go. I was focused on keeping her alive for as long as possible, but it was an excruciating process for Lore. Any movement at all was extremely painful in spite of all her pain medication. The meds only succeeded in causing chronic nausea.

Now seeing her comfortable and no longer in pain, I can more readily accept the inevitable. Yesterday, her words were few, She said over and over, “I love you very much.” Who could ask for more.